What Is Gaslighting?

Key Takeaways: This blog post explains gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse where someone manipulates another into doubting their reality. It provides examples of gaslighting tactics, discusses its connection to addiction, and offers strategies for dealing with it, including seeking support and setting boundaries. The post emphasizes the importance of recognizing gaslighting to protect one’s mental health and encourages seeking help for recovery and healthier relationships.

We often hear the term “gaslighting” but may not have a full understanding of what it means. This complex form of manipulation can leave individuals feeling confused, insecure, and doubting their own reality. For those navigating toxic relationships or recovering from substance abuse, understanding gaslighting and addiction is crucial for healing and reclaiming one’s sense of self. 

What is gaslighting, and what are some gaslighting examples? Read on to learn more about examples of gaslighting, types of manipulation, and gaslighting’s connection to addiction. Also, learn about the practical strategies for how to heal from gaslighting, which can empower you to break free from its grasp.

What Are Some Gaslighting Examples?

Gaslighting in relationships is often subtle and can occur in various forms, making it difficult to recognize. Here are some common examples of gaslighting that might resonate with those in toxic relationships:

Denying Reality

A partner might insist that an event did not happen, even if you clearly remember it. For instance, if you had a disagreement and your partner later claims it never occurred, that’s a form of gaslighting in a relationship.

Twisting Facts

Your partner may take a situation and twist the facts to make you feel guilty or responsible for something that isn’t your fault. For example, if you express your feelings about their drinking habits, they might respond with alcoholic gaslighting by saying, “You’re just trying to control me.”

Minimizing Feelings

When you express hurt or frustration, a gaslighter may dismiss your feelings as overreactions. They might say, “You’re too sensitive,” which can lead you to question your emotions.

Projecting

A gaslighter might accuse you of the very behaviors they are exhibiting. For instance, if they are being unfaithful, they might accuse you of cheating, creating a sense of paranoia and confusion.

Isolation

A partner may try to isolate you from friends and family, insisting that they are the only one who truly understands you. This can deepen your reliance on them, making it harder to recognize the toxic household and abuse.

Recognizing these gaslighting examples is the first step toward understanding the dynamics of gaslighting and the impact it can have on your mental health and wellbeing.

What Does Gaslighting Mean?

Why is it called gaslighting? The term “gaslighting” originates from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into questioning her sanity by dimming the gas lights and denying that he is doing so. In a broader sense, gaslighting refers to a psychological manipulation tactic where one person seeks to make another doubt their perceptions, memories, or understanding of reality. When it comes to gaslighting vs. manipulation, they are the same; however, gaslighting runs a bit deeper. This behavior is often employed by individuals looking to gain control or power over their partner, leading to a toxic and damaging relationship.

Is gaslighting lying? Yes, any form of manipulation is technically evasive and untruthful, but that is the better side of gaslighting. It can take many forms, from overt manipulation to subtle undermining of one’s confidence. Scapegoating and gaslighting can also go hand-in-hand. It is essential to understand that gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and can have long-lasting effects on an individual’s mental health, self-esteem, and overall wellbeing. Also, while gaslighting is often discussed in intimate relationships, the effects of gaslighting can be felt in friendships too, if you’re dealing with narcissistic gaslighting. Some examples of gaslighting in friendships and relationships are listed below.

What Are Gaslighting Scenarios?

What nearly everyone gets wrong about gaslighting is that it isn’t a simple disagreement or argument. It is a manipulative form of emotional abuse. To further illustrate the concept of gaslighting, below are some specific scenarios that may occur in a relationship.

The Forgetful Partner

You might have a conversation about a significant issue, only for your partner to later claim that you never discussed it. This can leave you feeling frustrated and questioning your memory. This form can happen in friendships as well.

The Blame Game

If your partner frequently blames you for their mood swings or negative behaviors, it can create a sense of guilt and confusion. For example, if they lash out and then later claim you made them angry, it can lead to self-doubt. This can also manifest when someone hurts you but blames you instead.

Changing the Narrative

A gaslighter may change the story of an event to make you appear unreasonable or irrational. For instance, after a fight, they might tell friends a completely different version of events, isolating you further.

The “Joking” Manipulator

“It was just a joke” gaslighting is very common and disguised as humor. A partner might make jokes about your insecurities, claiming they are just teasing. This can erode your self-esteem and make you feel like you can’t take a joke.

Doubt and Confusion

If you find yourself constantly questioning your own thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, it’s a sign that gaslighting may be at play. This confusion can lead to anxiety and a diminished sense of self-worth.

Another example of gaslighting is a manipulative apology. In this scenario, your partner will insincerely apologize, still making you out to be the “bad guy” under the guise of “Sorry!”

These examples highlight the various ways gaslighting can manifest in relationships, making it vital for individuals to recognize these patterns to protect their mental health.

There are also other forms of gaslighting, such as political gaslighting, unintentional gaslighting, and self-gaslighting. Some gaslighting may be unintentional, particularly if there is a mental health concern, such as narcissistic personality disorder. Regardless, the gaslighter still needs treatment for narcissistic abusers. A person can also manipulate themselves, and self-gaslighting occurs often in addiction. 

How Are Gaslighting and Addiction Connected?

Gaslighting and addiction often go hand in hand, creating a toxic cycle that can be difficult to escape. For those struggling with substance abuse, gaslighting can exacerbate feelings of shame, guilt, and confusion. Here are some ways these two issues are interconnected:

• Manipulation and control: In relationships where addiction is present, one partner may use gaslighting as a means of control. For instance, a partner might downplay the severity of their drinking or drug use, insisting that it’s not a problem, leading the other partner to doubt their concerns.
• Isolation: Gaslighting can lead to isolation, making it harder for someone struggling with addiction to seek help. If a partner undermines your support system, it becomes increasingly challenging to find the resources necessary for recovery.
• Self-doubt: Those dealing with addiction may already be grappling with self-doubt and shame. Gaslighting can intensify these feelings, making it even more difficult to recognize the need for change and seek help.

Recognizing self-gaslighting is also important. Some self-gaslighting examples may include thoughts regarding your active addiction, such as “It wasn’t that bad,” “I can handle my alcohol/drugs,” and “I’m older and wiser now.” These thoughts are likely falsehoods if you’ve already experienced problems with addiction. Self-manipulation leads to justification and can keep the cycle of addiction firing on all cylinders.

How Do You Deal with Gaslighting?

How do you outsmart a gaslighter? You don’t. How to get out of an abusive relationship is the bigger question. The best thing is for them to seek treatment or for you to leave—or both. Dealing with gaslighting requires strength, self-awareness, and a commitment to your own wellbeing. Below are some strategies to help you navigate this challenging situation.

• Document your experiences: Keeping a journal of your thoughts, feelings, and events can provide clarity when you start to doubt yourself. Writing down your experiences can help you validate your reality.
• Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups. Sharing your experiences with others can provide perspective and help you feel less isolated.
• Consider professional help: Therapy can be a valuable resource for individuals dealing with gaslighting. A mental health professional can help you rebuild your self-esteem, process your experiences, and develop coping strategies.
• Prioritize self-care: Focus on activities that promote your wellbeing, whether it’s exercise, mindfulness, or creative pursuits. Taking care of yourself is crucial in the healing process.
• Know when to walk away: If the gaslighting continues despite your efforts to address it, it may be time to consider ending the relationship. Your mental health and safety should always come first.

Gaslighting is a complex form of emotional abuse that can have devastating effects on individuals, particularly those in toxic relationships or struggling with addiction. By understanding gaslighting examples, what gaslighting is, and recognizing its signs, you can empower yourself to break free from its grip.

If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol and drug use, Mountainside can help. We have a full medical and psychiatric staff that can treat not only addiction, but also emotional abuse, trauma, and other mental health concerns. Speak with an admissions specialist today to learn about all of our treatments, therapies, and offerings.