Addiction is something that I grew up alongside of. Though I have never experienced addiction personally, I have seen what it does to a person and a family. My father had an addiction to many things. Though it wasn’t his choice, it happened, and other problems came with his addiction.
Growing up I didn’t realize how bad it was, and I viewed my father as my best friend alongside a role model. Though those things never changed, he did. His addiction slowly took control over his mind and his personality and made him into someone I wasn’t sure I knew. Growing up my dad always tried his best to be a great role model and be there for me and my younger brother when we needed him. However, he wasn’t able to do all the things a sober father would be able to do or participate in.
My father was never able to teach me how to ride a bike, swim, or even swing a baseball bat. I had to learn those things on my own or with help from other adults. Though I did still learn, and I am here today writing this essay, those small parts of my life would be more meaningful if I was able to connect with everyone else when they explain how their dads taught them how to do those things. Now, being 16, I’ve realized there are other things I am lacking without the father figure I wish I had.
My dad was never able to see me get my driver’s license, he couldn’t see me in my first prom dress, and he will never meet my first true love and give me that nod of approval. Addiction not only took my dad away from me at a young age with missing out on small, minor details of my life, but it now took him away for good. I recently lost my dad two years ago to suicide, as he could no longer manage the pain his addiction was causing, and things have not felt the same since. Ever since I lost my father from something I believed two years ago I never could have prevented, my mind has altered and my focus on addiction has now changed immensely. Addiction along with the deeply sad loss of my father has changed my life forever in a way I didn’t believe was possible.
Two years ago I was devastated and never wanted to talk about addiction or the large amount of issues and heartbreak that come with it. However, not long after that, my mind soon changed and I realized that I needed to try to make a change to this and help other girls my age not lose a dad like I did, or help others not lose a husband, son, friend, or uncle. Since that day, I have done numerous things to try to help and share my dad’s story to allow people to understand the heartache addiction causes that addicts may not realize. I have participated in suicide prevention walks and helped raise money to help destigmatize suicide, which in my situation was all caused by addiction. I have also joined groups and non-profit organizations within my school to make a positive impact on the situation I have encountered. They destigmatize the thought of suicide and suicide prevention in students, allowing students to understand there is another way out.
My views have been altered since my father passed away. I used to get mad at him and blame him for what he was choosing to do, but I eventually realized that it’s not always is someone’s choice to continue down the extreme depths they are going; it is their brain and body that convinces them that in order to survive and be okay they need to continue with what they have been doing. My dad had two children including me and so many people who loved and cherished him. If he could have chosen and been mentally aware of what exactly he was doing to not only himself, but also everyone around him, he could have tried to stop his addiction. Receiving this scholarship would not only ease the financial burden of continuing my education, but it would also empower me to honor my father’s memory by pursuing studies that allow me to better understand and address addiction. His struggle with substance use deeply impacted my life and inspired me to be part of the change, whether through advocacy, support, or future work in mental health and recovery. This scholarship would bring me one step closer to turning that pain into purpose and helping others who face similar battles.