A winning essay from our Brighter Future Scholarship contest

When I was younger my mom dated this man. My mom ended up having two kids with him. I didn’t see my biological dad that often, so I really looked up to my step dad. He was there from when I was two up until I was twelve. I loved him, looked up to him, and saw him as my father figure. However he started to change. He kept going back and forth to jail and rehab. He was addicted to heroin. This man that I loved so much turned into a monster. He would take me and my baby brother to a nearby city. He would leave us in the car and go buy drugs. I was scared out of my mind. Alone with my baby brother in a place that I knew was very dangerous. I remember another time the cops came to my house looking for him. He made me, my mom, and brother all hide below the windows so they wouldn’t know that we were there. He changed drastically from a few years before. He used to call me by a sweet nickname. I loved that nickname, I thought it was so sweet and cute. Now I can’t stand the nickname. There’s nothing positive about it anymore. He has put me through so much turmoil and trauma. Another time I remember I was sitting in the back seat of the car and one of his friends was in the passenger seat and one was next to me. The friend in the backseat asked to switch to the front because he didn’t want me to see. I could still see as he stuck a needle into his arm and passed out. I was very young at the time but I can still remember it clear as day, just like everything else he’s put me through. 

I can’t go to that city without having a panic attack. It brings out memories of him bringing me and my brother there. The sense of knowing anything could happen and I couldn’t do anything about it because I was so young. The sense of being in constant fear. He used to abuse my mom, both physically and emotionally. I’ve seen this abuse on many occasions. He really scared me. I was terrified everyday in my own home. Still to this day now five years after my mom left him, I constantly think about everything that happened. You don’t just forget when things like this happen. It sticks with you for the rest of your life. The constant reminder of the abuse and trauma. I can’t help but think everyone will be like him. In my own relationship I have thought that my boyfriend would act the way he did. I have feared countless times that he will let me down and turn out to be just like my step dad. That’s all I know. I’ve watched my mom be treated terribly in her relationships so I automatically think that’s how all relationships are. However, that’s not true. A loving and happy relationship doesn’t have abuse. 

After my mom finally left him she ended up being a single mom. We’ve struggled so much the past few years. My mom tries her best but sometimes it’s not enough. I’ve had to help out with bills and buying food on a few occasions. Receiving this scholarship would help me drastically. I want to be able to pursue my career in nursing. I want to be able to provide for the family that I want. I can’t pursue this career without the help of scholarships and financial aid. There isn’t any extra money to help pay for my college education. I want to break the cycle of abuse and trauma and struggling to provide. If I received this scholarship I would forever be grateful. 

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