A winning essay from our Brighter Future Scholarship contest

My mother used to tell me “you look just like your father”. I used to tell myself no I refuse because who would want to have the almost same face of an alcoholic addicted father. I don’t want to walk around with a face that gets drunk and angry. I don’t want to walk with a face charged with domestic violence while under the influence. My father’s addiction impacted my awareness behind the effects of alcohol by the ripe age of 9. Of course at this young age I was extremely scared and it wasn’t until my parents split, I lived with him and noticed the way he decorated his surroundings. The main focus was the full shelf with varieties of fancy bottled alcohol. I always seem to monitor it, finding what was missing, brand new, or half empty. Growing up I had 4 siblings, 3 older brothers and 1 older sister, who have already learned his behavior and helped me know when to avoid him. It’s crazy how the breakage of a parental bond made the bonds between me and my siblings, even the younger ones now, be stronger. 

He is a generous and humorous man when he’s sober. I always hoped that there would be a day he quit but instead the collection grew. When things got worse, he decided to finally give me to my mother. I would consider this one of the luckiest days of my life knowing that if i had stayed i would’ve been either hurt or under the addiction too. Due to his violent ways, I was never the type to get angry or the type to fight unless it was for self defense. Being slow to anger actually helped me deal with emotion and self control. However, being separated from the situations doesn’t mean it doesn’t follow you in memory. I used to have constant nightmares, flashbacks, and fear of communication with him due to this developed trauma. The type that would usually call for therapy but that was not an affordable priority so I turned to the field of art. I felt like I was giving myself art therapy focusing on details of my artwork that helped me heal from the bad memories. Eventually I started slow conversations with him to try to build a new father-daughter relationship. It still isn’t and probably won’t be a hundred percent fixed but it’s still an ongoing process. 

As a young black teenage female, the paranoia of becoming addicted or getting in a relationship with an addict is unsettling. I’ve witnessed how my mother was affected by his addiction and the process she went through to grow from it. I know I can’t change my features but I also know I can build better habits. I want to walk with the face of someone who survived. I know not to follow in his footsteps and not to overly consume any addictive substance. Doing this allows me to stop the spread of this disease of addiction. It doesn’t only need to be me but the upcoming generations as well. 

Overall, the moments of art really supported me through emotional times and I want others to feel the same inspiration through art as I did. To let my generation and future generations know that they’re not alone. To try to teach ways to help revive a broken relationship or wound from an addict. I would build a community that can provide the foundation for the support needed for both kids and parents. I want to be that founder and creator of this positive impact. So for my future aspirations, I want to study in business, continue the study of art, and also build on the study of entrepreneurship. 

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