Spiritual Wisdom: A Conversation with Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.

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Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. - The Four Agreements

Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. is a Nagual, a Toltec Master of Transformation. He is a direct descendant of the Toltecs of the Eagle Knight lineage and the son of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of the New York Times bestseller The Four Agreements. Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., too, is an accomplished author, publishing his sixth book, The Mastery of Life, most recently. By combining the wisdom of his family’s traditions with the knowledge gained from his own personal journey, Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. deeply connects with individuals to help them realize their own path to personal freedom. Mountainside NYC was proud to host Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. for a special evening of “Spiritual Wisdom.” Click to listen or scroll down to read the transcript.


Hello, my name is Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. It’s an empty symbol whose definition is subject to agreement. That’s the name that my father gave me because he loved me so much. He gave me his name and my mom loved him so much loved it too 

It’s a name that means it’s just a symbol that represents the living being. That is me. I give it its ability, so I first want to say thank you so much for being here, for braving the rain and the storm and all this stuff that allow you to get here.  

And I want to say thank you so much to everyone online. I appreciate you logging in 

The four agreements came out 25 years ago. When I picked up the book. it was something quite extraordinary because I’ve been buying books and records for a long, long time. I wanted to buy my father’s book. He gave me a copy, but I wanted to buy it myself.  

It took me some time and I picked up the book. And around Chapter 3 I put the book down because it was my dad telling me what to do all over. And that’s how I saw it for some time.  

I’ve been apprenticing with my father and my grandmother since the age of 14 and people ask me what it is it like to grow up in a family like that? I’ll tell you the tradition in my family is to rebel against the tradition. The word Toltec is not what the word that means.  

I am an artist and the canvas for my work of art is my life. And the instrument I’m going to use to create a work of art is going to be this body. It’s going to be this mind. It’s going to be the intent, the enemies, his body and manifest something that allows me to be that artist.  

And what I mean by that I’m a Toltec. And it’s a tradition in the family to rebel against. My great, great grandfather, Don. He was the first Mexican in the family. He was born in 1820 after the independence of Mexico. I’m not sure what we call ourselves before the Mexican independence, but everyone tells me different things.  

He’s the one you can say that was the shaman of the family. He was a carpenter and then became the caretaker of a cemetery and that’s where he taught a lot of the students. In the 1800s, it was still taboo to teach anything outside the Catholic Church. So he taught to a very select very few people. 

His son Don Leonardo was born in 1883. He was a soldier. That was his way of rebelling against his father, who was the trickster. He loved to be a soldier, but he was also a musician. And he taught the total tradition through music. Teaching his apprentices how to concentrate their intention their will. 

By learning how to listen and having the discipline to follow through. But just like his father, he taught to a very select few people. His daughter, mother Sarita, my grandmother, also rebelled against the tradition. She was born in 1910. She was born on the eve of the Mexican Revolution. And she grew up during that whole period.  

She is a modern-day woman. She rebelled in her own unique way until the day came when she herself needed help. She went back to the people whom she trusted, and she was so grateful to being healed by the healer that she went back to the tradition.  

Her father taught her and she became a healer. Now here’s the thing about my grandmother. She was a firecracker, so she wanted to share the tradition. She didn’t care about the taboo. She didn’t care about any of that. She wanted to share the tradition to whoever would hear it. So somewhere in the 1970s, she opened up a little temple.  

And that’s where she began to share the tradition to anyone who would come. On Thursdays and Sundays, she would give her sermons or cathedrals, and during the rest of the week she would work with people. My father was born in 1952. And he rebelled against that faith healing world. He became a doctor or neurosurgeon. So did my uncle Carlos.  

And one day my father had an aha moment. He had a crash and he had an out of body experience that he could not explain. So he went back to the people he trusted. And you can say in his early 30s, he decided to let go of being a medical doctor. He began to apprentice to his mother, Marcelita. Of course, my mom, when she heard this, they divorced. You know, that’s one of the things that happens. Two or three kids, one on the way. So he just made this choice. 

 My father says the thing about what I do is that I’m always dealing with the consequences and I never get to the point. And it’s just like running on the treadmill. I’m working so hard, but I’m going nowhere. I want to get to the root and he found something in the family tradition that allowed him to continue. So coming in as a medical doctor and practicing the tradition, he was able to find this common ground.  

He kept what he called common sense. And that’s where the four agreements is born. Our tradition, as rich as it is in a language that we can all understand. In fact, the only thing that remains of the old stories is the introduction, the story of the smoking mirror. But the rest of it is the same total tradition in a way that we can all relate. It is during that journey that my father did, in learning the tradition and putting into practice and teaching so many people. But when people say, you know, you’re following in your father’s footsteps, I have to correct them.  

I’m following in my grandmother’s footsteps because it is her passion that I decided to share with everyone and my father, myself and my brother. We’re all continuing her dream. In 2007, she was given the Sandal, Women’s Hall of Fame because the community she lived in honored her and recognized that. She decided to break those gates and share it with everyone. And if she opened those gates, my father destroyed them and went all around the world with his teachings.  

And that’s where I come in. I rebelled against a tradition in my own unique way, just like my brother. You rebel against it. I studied film and graphic design and photography. I didn’t want to do any of this until one day I lost someone I loved very much. And it’s the moment I realized that I was pretending to be something I wasn’t. And I picked up the book all over again. I was 27 years old, and I picked up the book and I read it the way everyone else reads it. As an instrument that allows me to heal from the wounds of conditional love left in my heart, and to undo all the conditioning and domestication that up to that moment had ruled my life to the point.  

I had not given myself the permission to heal. And that’s where the four agreements and the total tradition has come to me. That’s how I began to do what I do when I was able to actually put into practice and use it in my life and where I share it from that is how I teach. When people ask me what do you do, Miguel? I say I help people heal from the wounds that conditional love left in our hearts.  

So tonight I will share the Four Agreements from that point of view. Point of view that I understand the teachings. But I want to let you know where I come from. Yes, the first time I read the four agreements, it was my dad telling me what to do, and it turns out he knew what he was talking about. The main problem that the four agreements addresses is something called domestication, a system of reward and punishment by which we model the behavior of an individual, where if we live up to an expectation we’re worthy of our reward.  

We are emotional beings who experience the full spectrum of our emotions. That reward feels like acceptance, which feels like love. And the punishment feels like rejection and lack of love is the way we’ve been conditional. I love you if you live up to my expectations. That’s what domestication is. That’s the problem that the four agreements, the mastery of love, the voice of knowledge, and every single book my father has written.  

At this very moment, we are all the sum of every decision we’ve ever made, every choice, every action, every consequence has led us to this moment in time. And we are the sum of that decision. But at the same time, we’re the same breath. We have a whole life ahead of us. How do we want to do it? How do we want to engage? 

If you take a picture of me right now and in a few years, I’m going to say look at how young I was, look at how much hair I had today. I’m the youngest I will ever be and you are my equal because of that. You are the youngest you will ever be. What makes you my equals is that you were both alive at the same time and we can go in any direction in life. 

 All we have to do is think of a possibility, and if I like myself, that possibility will say yes to that three letter word represents the moment we choose to use the energy that animates this body that animates his might to manifest something. It is the thing that allows us to be the infinite possibility. And it’s so easy to see the infinite possibility when you’re holding a newborn baby in your arms because you look into the eyes of someone who literally has their whole life ahead of them. 

They could become a doctor or lawyer, actor, an artist, a soccer player. Or the Red Bulls or the New York FC. Or the National women’s national team. There could be anything because they literally have their whole life ahead of them. It’s so easy to see that infinite possibility. Well, the difference between the baby that our parents fell in their arms also many years ago. And the people we are. Now is that besides the fact that we grew up? That we’ve learned how to use this body, we’ve learned how to use this mind. 

We’re still that infinite possibility because we are alive. And for as long as we are alive, anything is possible. And that “yes” represents that ability to manifest it, to create it, to use this energy and manifest my yes is incredibly powerful. My no is just as powerful as my yes. My no represents the moment I choose not to use the energy that animates his body and animates his mind to manifest a single thing. And for as long as I say no, they won’t be done. And Earth as it is in heaven. I’ll take a step to the right. Yes, I will be done. We’ll take. A step to the. Left there. Right. No. Please no for as long as I say no, that won’t be done. That’s what that represents. 

The beautiful thing about being alive is that any given moment I can change my mind. Pretty pleased with sugar on top. Yes, my yes is just as powerful as my no. That’s what freewill is. It’s the infinite possibility, as the expression of life. And you’re my equal. Because you’re not. It’s just as powerful as you, yes. 

Every relationship in our life exists because we both say yes at the same time, every single relationship, the friendship be romantic family be at work. Any relationship exists because we’re both saying yes at the same time with that free will to respect you is to respect your will. And here’s the truth. I only control to the tips of my fingers.  

I don’t control beyond it. I don’t control any of your wills and I don’t control any of your perceptions. You do. I only control my own will and my own perception. Which means in this relationship. I don’t control your will. I don’t control your perception. You do. And in turn, you don’t control my will. You don’t control my perception. I do. To respect you is to respect your not your known is just as powerful as your. Yes. Which makes me very grateful that you’re saying yes at the same time as I’m saying yes, and that’s the. Truth about every relation.  

And they say the expression if you love someone, set them free. This is what they mean. I have complete trust in you and respect that. I know you can make your own choices. It’s like learning to say Namaste in order for me to say the son in me honors the son in you. I first learned how to honor my own son to experience what? That. Feels like to know what that means because I can feel it. So when I say the sun and me honors the sun and you.  

Which means in order to respect you. You and respect your known at first. Learn to respect mine. Mine is just as powerful as I guess transparent. My ability to make my own choices. I’ll ask me to do. That, and here’s the thing. Thank you one last time. No, that’s not the last time. Just one problem. Just let you know. Just like this relationship only exists for as long as we both say yes. Because here’s the thing. You have every right to change that. Listen to or not. And when that happens, a relationship ceases to exist. 

But for as long as we both say yes, that relationship will exist, which also means the only thing that will exist in this relationship are the things we both say yes to. If you say no to something, or I say no to something, it will not be part of this relationship. So the fabric of our relationship based on respect. Are built on the fabric of the agreements we make to. Letter an agreement is a word that reflects the action of saying yes, that’s what an agreement is either as an individual or in a friendship or in a relationship, are the things that we mutually agree upon.  

If you say no to something or I say no to something that I won’t be done. And that’s a relationship based on risk. Fact. But here’s the thing. Eventually you’re going to say no to something. I want you to say yes. You know, sometimes when people, when I inspire these people say that’s not the world I see. That’s not what I have seen relationships. Well, domestication comes in this way. I respect you. If I want that. Yes, I’m going to use my mind to try to persuade you to change your point of view.  

Here are my examples. Here are my Yelp reviews. There will be essays. Here’s my songs. Here’s my poems. Here are the things that I’m going to share with you to see if you like it and if you like it. You might change that now. Into a yes. But what happens if you’re still? Saying no and I grow attached and I really want that. Yes, at that moment. I’m going to be tempted to cross the line of. Respect because here’s the. Thing the only way I can. Get it is if. I can control your will and the best way for me to control your will. Is for you to give me permission to control and the best way for you to give me permission to control it is for you to doubt yourself.  

Look, you make this mistake, you make that mistake. I don’t know how you got here. Let. Me think for. You mind you, that’s what gaslighting really is. Making someone doubt themselves so much that they no longer trust themselves to make a choice, and at that moment this relationship based on respect becomes a moment. Where I try to. Subjugate and then you say Miguel, you are right. Please think for me. Allow me you subjugate yourself. Because I impose my will. That’s called imposing and subjugation. Every parasitically find his or her perfect toast. This looks like peace, but it’s not peace.  

It’s just simply a war that ended and one came out victorious and one was subjugated. But it’s a. Complete lack of respect for another individual and the other for lack of respect for themselves. Well, what we normally see out there is this. A battle of who’s going to win, because whoever controls the yes or no, our relationship controls the relationship.  

Whoever controls the yes and no other relationship controls the relationship. Most of the fights couples have is who’s going to domestically, who to make them fit the image. Of what, love is supposed to be. I’m diving into the mastery love, by the way, and that’s where domestication comes in example. Imagine me at the age of 8. And I’m learning how to assert myself to assert myself simply means that I’m learning how to say yes and no with confidence, and it feels good to say no. It feels right to say no. Forget about the terrible toos. It’s the terrible eights, because now I. Know how to talk.  

And tell you no, it’s good to say no. Just to say no. That’s what learning how to assert myself, yes. And here comes my. Grammar for the ball super, she puts. It right in front of me. Here you go. The soup will make you. Big and strong and I go no. But honey, this soup will make you big and strong. Like Popeye, like Superman. Mind you, at that moment. It’s about nutrition. She knows that meal, that soup is good for me, that is nutritious for me and she’s trying to find ways to get me to eat that soup. So she goes into a memory bank and thinks, OK, she grabs A spoonful of soup and she starts going. Here comes the plane. No, I’m eight years. Old I’m not a baby, not. Not not.  

It stops being about nutrition little by little. It starts being about control and she starts to get tempted. To cross that. Line of respect, ever so innocently, and eventually I say that though it crosses the line and she does decide to cross that line of respect and she goes. Don’t you know how many kids don’t have anything to eat here in Mexico and around the world? Honey, it’s just king. I grew up Catholic, so I don’t want to look like a selfish sharp from my grandma’s eyes, but I really don’t want to look like a singer. So I go. Yes, grandma, I’ll eat the soup and I begin to eat. And as I’m finishing the ball, she comes over to me. She says that’s my good boy. I get the reward. I get the reward of being a good boy in her eyes and I was not going to tempt her or see whether or not she will see me as a Sinner or not.  

But here’s the thing. She got me to change that note into a. Yes, ever so innocently. You’re making me doubt. Myself because I didn’t want to look like a. And here’s the thing, you have to be careful what you tell an 8 year old because Fast forward 40 years later and I go to Mexican restaurant and they. Give me a. Plate this bag of food. At least they call it. Mexican food and halfway if. I’m eating it. My body tells me the truth. I’m. Nurtured. There’s no more physical space in my belly.  

But then I hear conscious or subconscious. It’s a skin towards the conscious or subconscious. I say yes, grandma and I continue to eat and I finish off the plate. I Polish it and I’m so stuck. You gonna have to roll me. Up, but in that moment. Of clarity. Where my body told me the truth, that I’m full, that I’m satisfied, that there’s no more physical space that believes conscious or subconscious overrule my will. And I went against myself by saying yes.  

Can you relate to that? And here’s the thing. My grandmother’s nowhere. Near me, she passed away in 2008. We humans, as far as we know, are the only creatures that are able to self domesticate when our active domestication stops, actively domesticating us. We continue to domesticate ourselves. How? My father would put. It this way, Miguel, if you’re the voice. That’s talking inside your. Mind, when you’re thinking push listening. I answered I am oh, really.  

You’re the one listening who’s talking inside your own mind when you’re thinking I answered, I am. And that’s what the individual dream is. The relationship between me and me, or you can say, my mind and my heart or left hemisphere, right hemisphere, whichever way you want to describe it. But is that inner dialogue within me? If this relationship is in harmony, then all my relationships are in harmony. But if this relationship is in this harmony then I’m the constant element of this harmony in every single relationship that I am in. And my grandmother is nowhere to be found. It’s kind of like doing this. I’ll be worthy of love.  

When I’m perfect, mind you to. Be perfect is to be completely. Free of any flaw. That’s what perfection is to say. The perfect version of me is to be 27 years old, weigh 170 pounds and have hair. But look at myself in the mirror, and that’s just not the truth. I’m 47 years old. I weigh 178 pounds and. This is the truth. Of my heart because. I don’t live up to that expectation. I’m gonna castigate myself and. Judge myself, you fat. You’re both back. You know, old bald, fat. Have you ever judge yourself in that? When you look yourself in the mirror?  

While that scene of judgment, that’s domestication. You’re punishing yourself to an image, an ideal image of who you’re supposed to be, and you’re punishing yourself because you’re not living up to that expectation. And I think that judgment. That we have, we’re. Using that against us, another example would be this and I’ll use myself again hello, my name is Don Miguel Ruiz junior. I don’t take things personal. I don’t make assumptions. I always do my best  

How can I call myself junior? I don’t know the four agreements. How can I forget being affected with my word? How can I, father, forgive me? And there is a diatribe of judgment punishing myself once again for not living up to that image of perfection. That is Don Miguel. Ruiz junior who? Doesn’t take things personal, doesn’t make assumptions always. Does his best. And he’s unpacked with this work.  

If I live up to this expectation, I am worthy of the name. Don’t me everything I’m worthy of the word Toltec. And worldly of my family tradition. But if I forget the 5th agreement, be skeptical, but learn to listen and I fall short again. And there’s a diet judgment. 

And there it is again. Have you ever judged yourself for taking things personal? Have you ever judge yourself for making an assumption and the rest of those agreements? If you have. Welcome to the pub, where reviews of the four agreements as an instrument of domestication and corrupted it and turned it into the four conditions of our personal freedom. The telltale sign that we use the four agreements as an instrument of domestication is judging ourselves for taking things personal.  

Judging ourselves for not being a pepper with the word, judging ourselves for the rest of it. That’s the way we corrupt spirituality is the way we corrupt Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Jesus Buddha, Siddhartha Mohammed, psychology, psychiatry, alcohol. Anonymous mountainside Humanity has created all these beautiful traditions that allows us to heal from the wounds that conditional love has left in our hearts. But we’re so used to that domestication that will corrupt all.  

It’s kind of like saying my yoga is better than your yoga, I practice. When I practice the one that’s trademark and every single move is the same. My. Have you ever experienced that? That’s what domestication is. And here’s the thing. Yes, parents domesticated us. Yes, culture domesticated us. But here’s. The thing when. We go back to school. We’re surrounded. By all these. Kids who have also been domesticated. So now we’re. Domesticating each other? 

Or do you remember back in high school, middle school elementary, now kindergarten? Because I’ve seen it in kindergarten too. My daughter. It was part of the group that helped. And the girls who didn’t want to hang out with her. If you’re living up to my expectation or expectation, you’re cool. And your reward for being cool, that you will be popular. You will be accepted, but if you don’t live up to the expectation and fall short of it, then you’re. Out you’re a. Nurse, you’re a. Geek and not only. Will you not be popular? We’re going to ostracize. You until you. Get hit with it, man. 

We like being part of. The truth. So when a group rejects us, that we’re gonna reject, reject them. Forget you, Jack. Forget you later. I’m going to hang out with the goth kids. And that’s what I did. We’re nothing. But black and I’m still doing that. Black nail Polish black lipsticks listen to the pesh mode the. Cure and The Smiths. And the Sisters of Mercy, we’re cool. But even here, we had our own rules. We start doing the same thing. We corrupted that too. If you listen to country. Ohh. Mind you. If you listen to Johnny. Cash. You’re who? Patsy Cline. That’s cool.  

But the. Rest of it. You listen to hip hop. If you listen to reggae, you’re a wannabe. You’re a seller and the worst one when I. Was a kid. You’re a poser and I did not want to be a poser. That’s what made me let them know that I like bands that I didn’t like, but just to be cool. I. Would say yes. If you understand this concept. This group of kids didn’t even know they were not the only ones. The skateboard kids did it. The country boys did it the hip hop. Kids did it. Even the nerds did it. When I went to my social studies, they were all doing it.  

 When we corrupt music, instead of being something that links pressure, pleasure into our life, we use it as an instrument to create hierarchy. I’m cooler than you because I listen to this band, and if you don’t listen to. This band, then you’re not hit with it, man. This is how we can even corrupt music. We can corrupt beautiful things like the color of myself, where I come from, and this is what domestication is, but in relationships. There’s this thing. Right is in relationships. We start doing each other just like we did with our friends.  

We start trying to domesticate our beloved. I love you. If you live up to the image of Prince Charming, and if you live up to that image of the ideal beloved of the ideal partner. And you’re worthy of my love. You’re worthy. Of my respects. Well, if you live up to the image of Winona Ryder when I was a kid when? You were there, my love, too, to remember this. But on the clothes that you know, your friends will make fun. Of you admit to them that you like certain types. Of music. Admit to them that you. Voted for someone in the last election. Mind you, it doesn’t. Matter who you voted for, you’re gonna. Get domesticated anyways. But it’s in love. Where it really hurts. 

You’re nobody to the sun. Body loves you. You’re nobody to somebody cares. And if you believe that? Then the worst thing that can happen is that you’re alone, and if I’m alone I’m unlovable. No one will ever love me, and if you believe that? Then of course I’m going to subjugate myself. How can I be worthy of love? I’ll take anyone who will take or the visa versa if I become aware whoever’s afraid of the know is going to be the one that tries to domesticate the other one. Because if you are aware that you can say no at any given time. Then I’m going to do my very best to make you forget you have a choice. And this is where machismo comes in.  

This is where toxic relationships begin. And the tyrant? Starts conditional love. I love you. If can you relate to any of this? No. There it is. Conditional love only sees what it wants to see. One of my favorite. Expressions comes from Eleanor Roosevelt, which goes like this. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You have paraphrase it. No one can make me feel inferior without my consent. We have a paraphrase one more time. No one can domesticate me without my consent. How do I give consent by believing it by saying yes. To it in. The first verse, a moment of clarity without any action. It’s just a thought that passes in the wind by moment of clarity, followed by action becomes a pivotal moment in our life.  

It is the moment where we decide to make a change in our life. Robert Downey Junior AKA Iron Man Tony Stark, once was in an Oprah Winfrey show, and he said on to. Her when I wanted to let go of drugs and alcohol, it was the easiest thing and she said it to him. How can you say that you’re in and out of rehab so many times? Yeah, all those other. Times I went for. Other people. But well, when I wanted to do it for myself, it became the easiest thing, and there it is. When I wanted to do it for myself, a moment of clarity with our actions, like waking up from a long vendor and seeing what I’ve created, what I have done.  

And at that moment I have a choice. I have a nasty hangover. And I know if I take the hair of the dog, which is another beer or shot tequila or something, I know that headache will go away and I’ll punt the problem for another day. That’s letting it fly in the wind.  

But in that moment we have a moment of clarity that we have a moment of ability that we can choose to let God. And it’s that moment that we give ourselves the permission to heal, to take the steps. And shield. I’ve used my own intent to go against my favorite instrument to create a moment of clarity. Is the 5th agreement? Be skeptical, but learn to listen, which looks like this. This skeptical. I can’t hear you. That’s something different to be skeptical simply looks. I’m going to hold back. And yes, I’m gonna hold back mine now, and I’m going to listen when I’m able to listen. I’m able to break the automatic. Yes.  

Because here’s the thing, when I say subconscious it simply means that I’ve done it so many times that I don’t. Think about it anymore. It’s an automatic yes, and the automatic no. It’s a habit, a cycle that is hard to break, but if you hold back your yes and hold back your no and give it scrutiny. If it survives your scrutiny, then you’ll say yes, but if it doesn’t survive your scrutiny, then I’ll say no. For example, I’ve had the privilege of being myself and I’ve spoken at churches. Temples, synagogues, Centers for spiritual living, and I’ve asked ministers, priests, rabbis, my father reverence the same question his citizen to waste. Food. And they all said no, there’s a waste of food. But it’s not a sin, so here. I go grandma. I forgive you. I’ve asked the people who know, and they told. Me it’s not. A sin so. I’m not going to be using that against. Me ever again, mind you, I. Know it’s a waste of food, so I’ll ask my wife if she wants to share a plate with me. Normally she doesn’t like the same thing. I do. So I’m gonna have to get to go boxes. But I won’t be using that judgment against myself ever again for grandma, can you forgive me? I’ve been using your words to go against me for 40 years, and that’s could I become aware of 1 big truth. My grandmother only said that to me once in my life when I was 8 years old. I’ve been repeating it in her voice for 40 somewhat years, forgiving Miguel. I’ve been using your words to. Go against me. For that long, forgiveness, a teacher once taught me this lesson.  

Forgiveness is the moment you no longer wish the past was any different. It is the moment you accept it and you let it go. I think that’s a beautiful expression. To me, forgiveness is the moment I no longer wish the past was any different. I accept. That means that I realized that I can’t go back in the past and change a. Yes to no or no to yes. Because life no longer exists in the past, the past only exists in my mind, as in the form of the memory, and it probably didn’t happen the way I think it happened. But here’s the thing, I can’t go. Back there and change it. It happened and the sum of every decision that I’ve ever made. But here’s the thing. Just like the future only exists in my time as my imagination and there’s no amount of anxiety that will let me see into the future.  

The only place that exists without me is this present moment. And this is who I am, I. No longer wish. To pass was any different simply because I can’t change it, but except that it happened. To let it go. My brother Jose has a metaphor that I absolutely love. A Scorpion stings itself over and over and over again. Every time administering the emotional poison to itself, that meant for someone else. And over and over until the moment comes when the scorpion says to no longer sting itself. That’s letting it go. Someone says scorpions don’t do that. Scorpions don’t sting themselves. That’s right, they don’t. But we humans do.  

Every time we think of the past, especially those old wounds, those old moments we judge. Over and over again for me to no longer staying ourselves with our own emotional poison as the moment we choose to not hurt ourselves. With the past again, that’s what forgiveness is. The best way to let go of conditional love is to forgive ourselves for ever saying yes to it in. The first place. To forgive ourselves for I ever allowing someone’s point of view, someone’s judgement. Someone’s intent. Or projection of who I’m supposed to be according to their prejudice or point of view, to make me feel inferior.  

I forgive myself forever believing it. I forgive myself forever. You see my own intent to go against. To be impeccable with the word, every word we use is an empty symbol whose definition is subject to agreement. Every single. So let me change this agreement to this be impeccable with your intent because it’s your intent that gives meaning to every single word. What is it like to not being peppered with the word? That I use my word to reaffirm, reaffirm every condition I have myself to give power to every one of those beliefs that make me judge myself when I look at myself in the mirror, something I’ve learned as that we heal with our own permission.  

And here’s the thing about the total tradition and the total tradition. There’s nothing to learn but to unlearn what we all learn, anything that prevents us from giving ourselves that permission to heal, to be impacted with the word is to use my word to love myself, to heal myself, to allow me to see myself as I am, to not take it. Simply means to not assume responsibility for someone else’s will. If someone judged me and calls me an idiot. That’s their point. And view how do I take it personal? I use their point of view to reaffirm any self doubt I have of myself. That’s how I take things personally, not to take it personal. I’m not responsible for your point of view.  

I’m not responsible for your will. That’s what my ticketing person is. I’m only responsible for the integrity. And clarity of what I say both. To you and to myself. But I’m not responsible for what you hear. You control that to not make assumptions. If I draw a triangle and only draw two sides of the triangle, and I’m missing and don’t draw that third line mine. Mine has the capacity to project that missing line is something that we do because we need to know, and we tend to project. When we don’t have all the information because we need to make a choice, an assumption.  

It’s just a story that we create that makes us think that we know the whole of the story. Being peppered with the word. Don’t take things personal. Don’t make assumptions. Be skeptical, but learn to listen. These four agreements. The intent is that they help us clean the channel of communication. The channels of communication within ourselves. Because here’s the thing. I’m the constant and every relationship that I am in. I am the constant.  

If I heal my own wounds, then I can’t become constant opportunity for healing, for peace and respect in every relationship I have, because that’s what I have to give. That’s what I cook, Creed, because you are my cook creators to always do my best. Best is to know that I’m alive. I don’t have to. I want to. I’m alive to dance. I’m alive to engage. I’m alive to sing. I’m alive to manifest. And for as long as I’m alive, anything is possible, including healing the wounds that conditional love left in my heart. And here’s another one.  

One of my favorite quotes and I’m going to be finishing up with this Neil deGrasse Tyson said this phrase. The thing about science, is that the truth exists whether you believe in it or not. The truth exists whether you believe in it or not. For example, a black hole was going to exist whether we proved existence, existence or not. The truth doesn’t mean me for it to exist. It doesn’t need humanity for exists. It exists, with or without us, but a belief in contrast only exist for as long as I say yes to it.  

The moment I change that yes, into a no, it ceases to exist. I believe needs me for it to exist. I believe it needs humanity for it to exist. That’s why it’s an illusion. If we can know the difference between the truth and a belief, then understand this.  

Any judgment you have about yourself only exists because you believe it. Meaning you said yes. But here’s the good news. It only exists for as long as you believe it. The moment you change that. Yes, into a no. It ceases to exist. I no longer believe that I’m inferior to anyone. I’m alive and I have the great capacity to enjoy my life and share that joy with every single member of my family.  

Then how do I practice the four agreements? It starts by accepting the truth. My name is Dom Miguel Ruiz Jr. Just like you do in the meetings. I’m an alcoholic. I’m a. Drug addict. And I do take things personal. I do make assumptions sometimes I’m not impacted with the word. Sometimes I’m not skeptical at all. I buy hook, line, and sinker, and sometimes I don’t do my best. Just ask my wife. She’s my witness, and I don’t have my ring because I lost 30lbs and every time I pull this it falls off. 

But at the moment. I stop pretending to be something I am not for the sake of someone else’s point of view or judgment, including my own. I accept the truth. I understand the concept and I begin to understand. What triggers me to take things personally? What triggers me to do all that stuff? And once I know at that moment I can make a different choice. Just like in that morning. Where I woke up and I realized. I don’t want to drink anymore.  

Because I was waking up with heart palpitations in the middle of the night. It happened every time I drank and I chose to live. Not been sober for seven years. My motivator. I want to live and I wasn’t going to let my ego my personal importance stop me from giving myself the permission to heal. The four agreements are instruments that allows me to heal, but they’re just a choice. If I want to take it personal, I can. Take it personal. I’ve already accepted the truth of me. 

This is who I am. But I’ve read the book. I understand the concept, and I’m free to say yes to not taking a personal. That’s what personal freedom is. I’m free to say yes to either one and without awareness. I choose to say yes to not taking a personal because I don’t want to experience the hangover.  

That comes with taking things personally and in order for me to make that choice, I have to know myself. What triggers me to make that, and I break the cycle by creating a whole new synapse. Like they do in cognitive behavioral therapy, I no longer hurt myself with my own intent with my own beliefs, and that’s what allows me to heal. That’s what we do and rehabilitation, we become sober because it’s an act of love. To say I want to live. And I want to enjoy being. Thank you.  

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